Big Day

Today is the big day for our family - especially Sara. I don't really know if she's nervous or not. She doesn't verbalize those kinds of feelings to me very well. She did wake up a bit too early and has been VERY cranky, so that's usually a sign that she's feeling anxious. Please keep her in your prayers today. Our appointment to meet the family doctor is at 1:40 p.m. This should be pretty low key, as this appointment is only to meet our family and gather family history. I'm hoping to cram as much in as possible, but I think the main discussion concerning autism, will have to wait until the next appointment.

At 4 p.m. we will have our initial interview with Susan Peacock about the learning assessment. Again, this should be pretty relaxed, but new situations can be stressful and intimidating to Sara. Joshua will be joining us for this appointment, so I'm glad for that! Please pray that we will have to wisdom to share exactly what Susan needs to learn about Sara before continuing with the one-on-one assessment. I tend to get bogged down with too much detail and sharing instead of sticking to what's really necessary! I'm confident this will be a good meeting. The only thing I'm nervous about right now, is finding my way to Susan's office! Edmonton is still a big, new city to me and I get so scared trying to find new places!

Happy News!

Yesterday morning I called the lady who was recommended to us for Sara's academic assessment. Her name is Susan Peacock, so I will refer to her as Susan, rather than "the lady" from now on! I had learned of Susan last Monday, but fear held me back from calling her right away. I was afraid I would get my hopes up, and then she would tell me that she was all booked up for the summer or that Sara was too young... Then, Joshua asked me a few days ago if I'd called her yet. I said no, but I would. I tried to find Susan in the phonebook and there were too many choices. So, I e-mailed my friend who recommended Susan and asked for her number. She e-mailed back right away. I called Susan yesterday morning and left a message, not really expecting to hear back very soon. I was actually surprised when I answered the phone right after lunch and Susan identified herself as the caller! I knew as soon as we started talking that she was going to be the perfect fit for our family! I felt very comfortable talking to her and she immediately put some of my fears to rest. She didn't tell me I was overly concerned and should "wait it out" some more. She didn't tell me Sara was too young. She did tell me she had appointments available next week! It was all I could do to keep from squealing with excitement! Then, when I got off the phone I cried tears of joy! After working things out with Joshua's schedule at work, we settled on Monday at 4 p.m. We will all go together as a family. It really couldn't come much sooner than that! I also have the appointment with the family doctor at 1:40 p.m. that afternoon, so it will be a busy day for us. This initial time with Susan is just for Joshua and I to tell her as much about Sara as possible. Then, there will be three or four, 2 hour sessions where Susan will work one on one with Sara. Susan said she keeps it as casual and fun as possible. Just from talking on the phone I think Sara will really like Susan. I even asked how she would recommend that I present this whole thing to Sara. She said to put it all on myself, telling Sara that I need to learn how to teach her the best way. She said to let Sara know that she (Susan) will help us so that school will be much easier from now on. When I told Sara about meeting Susan, she seemed a bit nervous, but she agreed with me that she would like school to be easier. Every day is a struggle around here. So many times, when I tell Sara it's time to read or do Math, I see the panic and fear in her eyes. She never tells me she's afraid - she just acts out by stalling (I'm thirsty, I'm hungry, I have to pee...) or arguing or crying or just outright saying, "No." Then, I have to discipline for the bad attitude, but I think sometimes Sara starts to associate school "performance" with getting disciplined. I try to tell her that I'm not mad at her because she makes mistakes or because something is hard. I just need her to learn that a bad attitude is not acceptable. Some days I can do and say all of that very patiently, but as you can imagine, some days we are just both screaming and crying together. "Oh, Lord, please let Susan be the one to help take away much of this heartache."

I want to thank all of you, my dear friends, for your outpouring of love, prayers and support during this time. I have been so blessed by all the words of love and encouragement. I have always found writing to be very therapeutic for me. It helps me to organize and clarify my thoughts. It's one of the easiest ways for me to express myself. I may share more detail than you are sometimes interested in, but it sure helps me to write it all out! Thanks for reading and listening.

Explaining the ache in my heart - the weight on my shoulders...

This post comes with a warning. I am going to be very real and honest about some things going on in my life. If you want a barrel of sunshine, go read someone else's post today...

My heart has been overwhelmed lately with some things concerning our little princess...Sara. I've hesitated to share anything because I don't officially "know" anything yet. So, as you read, please know that I am not trying to be overly dramatic or state anything as "fact."

I've shared before that Sara has had her struggles with school since she started Grade 1. Basically, those struggles seem to have worsened, especially in the area of Math. We had our end-of-the-year visit with our facilitator last Monday (June 8) and it proved to be a very difficult time. Our facilitator informed us that Sara is a full year behind, and maybe more in certain subjects. That was a surprise to me. And an even bigger and more upsetting surprise to Joshua. We knew things didn't come easily to her, but not that she would be considered that behind. Sara should be starting Grade 3 in the fall, but has really only completed Grade 1 material. Now, here's where I know people have many differing opinions. Joshua and I happen to be of two very different opinions. We're talking through a lot of things and researching a lot of things right now. I know that many of you who are reading this will want to say to me that, "It doesn't matter where Sara is academically - after all, isn't that the beauty of homeshooling?" Or, "Who cares is she's behind? My child is behind too. Sara will eventually catch up. Don't panic." Those things that I just said, are basically MY opinion of everything. I said basically, because there are some more things I will get to later in this post. The issue is, Joshua is of an entirely different mind set. Academic success is very important to him. He will move mountains to "fix" this "problem" with Sara. It is NOT O.K. with him that Sara is not at grade level. While I know that many of you will not agree with this or will even frown upon such ideas, I am the one who has to live in harmony with my husband. I have to listen to his opinions and concerns and do my best to accommodate those things. I still have to honour him and the way he "ticks." I do respect my husband and I'm confident the Lord will show us how to agree together. In the meantime, I am not asking for advice. Just prayer and support, as we work through all of this. This all weighs very heavily on me. It is not fun to be on a different page than your spouse - ever - but, this is a big one. When we chose to homeschool, we took the full weight of responsibility in regards to our children's education. It is a BIG responsibility at any time, but when there are extra challenges, it seems so very heavy. Some people may think or say, "What, are you crazy?! If it's so hard, why don't you send her to school? Why do you do this to yourself?" I am fully committed to homeschooling my children and it would take a very special set of circumstances to make me change my mind. I firmly believe in homeschooling for our children and I will do anything within my power to continue to do so. I will explain what that will look like for this next year at the end of this post.

The other biggie that has come up lately is something that may surprise many of you. Again, I am not asking for advice. This is an even harder one to explain...but, we are in the process of figuring out whether or not Sara is somewhere on the autism spectrum. Yes, I'm serious and no, I'm not crazy! I've been letting people tell me for about 4-5 years now that I'm too paranoid or overly concerned, etc. It was always deny, deny, deny. Push down the feelings, and try to pretend that everything was normal. Well, I'm totally done with that. Can you sense the emotions as I'm typing? I never knew what could possibly be different about Sara, but I knew in my gut that I wasn't crazy. As you all know, this recent move to St. Albert has been very difficult for me. I did NOT want to move here. But, I'm beginning to see why the Lord has us here now. He has placed several wonderful, Christian, homeschooling moms into my life who have given me soooo much insight about Sara. I won't mention names due to the sensitive nature to their own situations. One mom, whose daughter has become our new favourite babysitter, has a son who they believe to be somwhere on the autism spectrum. Because we live 5 minutes from each other and her daughter babysits for us often, we've gotten to know each other quite a bit. I gradually began to share some of my struggles with her. As she observed and spent time with our family, she told me that Sara reminded her so much of her son when he was younger. I have gleaned a lot of wisdom from her, asking her so many questions about behaviours, schooling, etc. As our relationship progressed, she encouraged me to Google "autism spectrum" in my search to find help for Sara. I will never forget the day I began to read the articles I found on-line. It was the first time I felt like something made sense. The puzzle pieces of Sara's life finally seemed to fit together and so many things became easier for Joshua and I to understand. Because I don't know anything officially, I hesitate to share specific things. This whole autism thing is somewhat tied to the academic learning struggles, but is more a separate issue. If you look at a list of autism spectrum symptoms, Sara fits a lot of the social issues to some degree or another. If I were to be specific, it may just be confusing to those who aren't familiar with autism. I have also talked extensively with a friend I have known for years who worked with and diagnosed autistic kids for 10 years. She is home now with her own children, but autistic children are still very close to her heart. She has been able to give me specific advice to the province of Alberta and the process we need to go through for a diagnosis. She has confirmed that, although Sara is very high functioning, there are some definite red flags and she has encouraged us to pursue some answers. So, the first step is to get in with a family doctor and explain our situation. We have an appointment with a doctor (which was an answer to prayer just for that) on Monday, June 22. Hopefully, she will give me the referral to a pediatrician I'm looking for. The pediatrician is the one who would make the diagnosis and then refer us to any specialists we might need.

As far as Sara's learning disabilities and struggles, we are planning to have her assessed this summer. Another homeshcool friend/mom has recommended a lady to us, who was very helpful to their family in the assessment of their son recently. I am currently trying to get into contact with her. We hope to get some answers with this lady by the end of the summer. With that information, we plan to homeschool Sara for at least one more year. After that, we will re-evaluate. While I do not believe my child needs to be the next Math whiz or super reader, there is obviously something that she is not "getting." This is why were are taking steps to have Sara assessed and evaluated. I don't think that she needs to be "fixed." I love her the way she is. But, I do think that I need to be more equipped and informed as I am teaching her everyday. I need to know how to help her learn more effectively. We need to reduce frustrations and stress levels around here. Sara needs to have more confidence and less fear as she learns. I want to do everything possible to make those things happen in our home.

Right now, we are just playing the waiting game. It's so hard to wait when you want answers right away. I guess my thoughts and emotions get the better of me some days. Trying to teach and mother and love a child with learning disabilities and autism all wrapped up into one, is so very hard some days. It just really sucks some days. I am exhausted some days. That's where I am right now. My friend who worked with the autistic kids told me that parents of "spectrum kids" go through a grieving process that has many different stages. I'm kind of dealing with the initial yucky stages of everything right now. It is hard for me to talk about all of this, and yet, a relief at the same time. I tried to make as much sense as possible, but forgive me if I just rambled around. I will keep you posted as we walk this journey.
"For you formed my inward parts;
You covered me in my mother's womb.
I will praise you You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Marvelous are Your works, and that my soul knows very well."
Psalm 139:13,14

Bits and Pieces

This post was originally posted on Thursday night (Jan. 29), but it got buried under my Aloha Friday post and I didn't want my regular readers to miss it! So, I'm re-posting this again today!

I haven't posted much about daily life around here, so here are a few random snippets of what's been going on lately...

1. Remember my new rule about not turning the T.V. on in the mornings? I really thought it would be an issue, but I heard next to no whining or complaining about it! I've had a couple of requests, but when I say "no" and remind them that we're not doing that anymore, they are quick to go find other amusement - happily! It's almost like they are relieved that they don't have to watch the same old dumb shows on T.V. every morning! Now I have to tear them away from building with Legos or their imaginary play, when it's time for school to begin. I like that so much better!

2. On Saturday morning, Sara and Sky had their second Nation's Cup ski race. It was a brutally cold week, so as the weekend approached and things didn't warm up at all, we kind of assumed that the race would be cancelled. It wasn't. I checked my e-mail every 5 minutes between 7 a.m. and 8 a.m. on Saturday, and there was nothing. Joshua had volunteered to help with the race, so he felt like we should be there. It was -36 when we left our house and -34 at the hill when we arrived at 8:45 a.m. I couldn't believe they were going through with it! I mean, really, what was the dude in charge trying to prove?? As I bundled up the kids for warm-up and course inspection, I was so stressed out I was fighting back angry tears. The two runs were an hour apart, so we kept the kids inside until it was absolutely necessary to go out. We had toe warmers in their boots and hand warmers in their mitts. I am definitely thankful for those little inventions! Sara and Sky both did well. There were a lot of missed gates this time, but we could tell they were doing their best - especially under the circumstances. I still don't think I've completely recovered, but we did survive....

3. Joshua lost his wedding ring (again - this is ring number 3) on Monday morning. He keeps it in a basket by the phone. The problem is, the basket is full of coins, old receipts, spare keys, a few screws, paperclips, etc. Joshua's ring is made out of tungsten carbide (same thing they make chainsaw blades with), so it's able to withstand the abuse, but it also blends in because it's a silver gray colour. As Joshua was getting ready to go to work that morning, we both looked through that basket very thoroughly and came up with nothing. He looked several other places and finally had to leave for work. Later, I emptied the basket onto the floor, went through all the change and couldn't find it. I checked the pockets of everything he wore over the weekend. No ring. Joshua came home at lunchtime. He looked under the couch, we checked in both of our vehicles. Nothing. I even checked inside his gloves to see if it had slipped off in there! We looked through that basket a couple more times, hoping it would magically appear. It didn't. That evening, Joshua took Sara for her music/piano lesson at 5:45 p.m. I looked a few more places after he left and then gave up. I decided it would just have to turn up on it's own. After Sara's lesson, Joshua decided to take Sara out on a date. Sara picked Swiss Chalet to eat. When they were done, they went to the mall. Joshua called when they were on their way home. He said he found a ring on sale and went ahead a bought it. It was a final sale, but that was O.K. - other ring was just nowhere to be found. When they got home, Joshua was missing his old ring, so decided to go through "the basket" one more time. He dumped the entire contents on the kitchen counter and there was THE RING!!! What??!! How did we miss that?? The next day Joshua took the ring back to the store and was able to exchange it for something else.

He said it was an early Valentine's Day present! Isn't he sweet?! (It's times like these I decide it's O.K. to keep him! Just kidding - I'm not that shallow!)

4. Today it's raining! What's up with that? Rain? In January?! The roads are a mess with all the melting snow and rain! There is so much water! It's going to be pretty scary out there when it freezes tonight.

5. School has been going well. We are in week 3 of our new schedule and disciplines. The first two weeks were a fight. It was difficult and exhausting for all of us. But, I didn't give up and we got so much done! This week has seemed a lot easier, so I'm hoping we're getting into a rhythm and learning some good habits.

6. In just 4 days, my wonderful friend, Karen and her husband Bryan, are coming to visit for a whole week! For 3 of those nights we will be at the Gingerbread Cabin in Jasper, AB. Sara and Sky are very excited about having an extended sleepover with Grandma and Grandpa! Mommy and Daddy are just as excited about having an extended sleepover away from the kids and the normal routine! I think I can say the same about Bryan and Karen! The weather forecast is beautiful, so it should be a great week!

7. I played Candy Land with the kids before bed tonight. It's always a competition to see who can get the most "candy" cards! They haven't quite grasped the concept that sometimes those cards can knock you backwards on the board and should not always be the most desired!

That's all I can think of for now! Hope you enjoyed the update!

Mom's Have Feelings Too

This morning was one of those times I realized how very vulnerable I am as a mom. I've never been good at pretending to feel one way, when I actually feel another way. I suppose that's a good thing to some extent, but there are times when it just isn't wise to let it all hang out... I'm not one of those moms who always says the right thing or who can always portray the appropriate attitude. I was the one literally screaming when Sara put a small pebble up her nose last year! There was no, "Okay honey, it's going to be O.K. We'll take care of everything, sweetheart, don't you worry." No, it was complete panic and wailing and mayhem in our house!! I was scared and yelling, Joshua was mad and yelling, Sky was hiding and poor Sara was completely traumatized! You get the idea! (BTW, the pebble came out on it's own while she was waiting for the doctor to come in!) O.K., so that was a MAJOR rabbit trail! The story I set out to tell, started last night...

Joshua took the kids to ski racing lessons last night after a hurried supper. I usually, spend that evening doing something for me, like reading a book or blogging or Facebook, etc. But, because of a book I've been reading lately, I decided to forget about me and do something that would benefit the whole family. (Another rabbit trail that I'll save for later.) Things have been quite unorganized and disjointed with school and household chores. To put it bluntly, I've been lazy. Haven't cared about much of anything besides my own feelings of pity and depression. I finally got fed up with myself last night. I cleaned off and organized the school room table (should've taken before and after pics - it was dramatic!), put together a unit project folder for Sara (printing things off, cutting out things), threw tons of paper items in the recycling bin, cleaned up the kitchen, and made up a new morning/school routine. When everyone got home, I gave both kids a shower, got them to bed, cleaned up a few more things, and folded two loads of laundry before crashing into bed at midnight. I was tired, but I was ready for a new day! And I was pretty excited too!

In the morning, as soon as Sara got up, I cuddled with her and explained that things were going to be different. I told her that the T.V. was not going to get turned on, that Mommy was not going to spend half the morning on the computer, and that school was going to start much earlier. I also told both kids that I now expect them to get dressed, and make their beds, and put away jammies before they even come out of their rooms. (I will be doing the same thing - jammies have been my new favourite outfit lately!) She took it well, and happily went up to get dressed and fulfill the other chores. We had breakfast and I was ready to start school at 9 a.m.! But, Sky slept in, so he got up right about then and I had to start over with the schedule explanation and breakfast. O.K., so now it's 9:30 a.m. and we were ready to go. I pulled out Sara's new project folder and we got started. To make a long story a little shorter, after a few little power struggles, things started to go downhill fast. Sky was bored and whiney and wanted to do a magnet experiment. (Granted, I DID promise that we could, but that was one thing I didn't get to last night...) Sara didn't like what we were doing and kept telling me "no" about everything. I was having trouble explaining what a coal mine was, and we ended up in a complete meltdown. I called Daddy, mad as anything and asked him to talk to Sara. Then, I got on the phone and started listing my woes. I was absolutely bawling by the time I was done. Poor Joshua! I said we'd just wasted an entire hour with fighting and whining. He said, it's just an hour, so try again. I didn't see it that way. Why was I so upset? Well, I got my feelings hurt! I had gone to all that effort to make a fresh start and have a great day, and all my kids could do was throw it back in my face. After I got off the phone, I had tears streaming down my face. The kids were looking at me with big eyes. I said, "Do you know that Moms get disappointed about things?" "No," they replied. "And did you know that you can hurt Mommy's feelings?" Again, "No." So, I explained to them how I wanted everything to be all nice and fun. I told them that it really hurt my feelings when all they could do was whine and complain all morning. They just looked at me, but I think they got the point. There wasn't much complaining after that and I think we even managed to have some fun by the end of it all. I even succeeded in explaining a coal mine. I typed "coal mine" into Google search images and got some great pictures! What did Moms do before the days of Google?

So, it was an emotional morning, but I'd have to say it was a good day overall. My biggest challenge in life is being consistent. I know that if I can stick with this new schedule, the kids will get used to it. Actually, it's more me that needs to get used to it! I really like reading blogs and checking Facebook while the kids eat breakfast in front of the T.V. every morning. But, that half hour that I say I need, can turn into 2 hours very quickly. Then we don't have time for every subject we need to cover in school, and the consistency thing comes to haunt me again. Sara desperately needs consistency in order to retain anything. I haven't been the greatest at that for her, but I want that to change. I never want my laziness to be the reason she can't learn to her fullest potential.

One of my favourite quotes is from Anne of Green Gables, "Tomorrow is fresh - with no mistakes in it." I'll take it one day at a time....

This Is The Day That The Lord Has Made...

...I will rejoice and be glad in it! It's already Thursday! It hasn't been terribly busy this week, but I've been sick again. I had a sore throat last week for a few days, but it went away quickly. On Sunday, it came back with a vengeance. By Tuesday I had a fever and some other unmentionable symptoms. My throat was so swollen, that I was having panic attacks Monday night, feeling like my airway would close up! I was afraid to go to sleep for fear that I would stop breathing and never wake up! LOL! I'm not a bit dramatic, am I?! Ha! Just ask my mom! Although, I'm not nearly as bad as my sister, Heidi (age 13)! :-) Anyway...I went to see my herbalist and he fixed me up with some good stuff. He made me take some of the pills before I even left the store, and I was already feeling slightly better. A bit more expensive than going to the doctor, but WAY more helpful and without the 2 hour wait! (There are no doctors accepting new patients in our town right now, so I would have had to go to the walk-in clinic.) Today, I'm still feeling yucky, but the sore throat is subsiding.

Yesterday I had the first visit from Monica, our homeschool facilitator. It went O.K. I ended up crying a lot, probably just because I was feeling so yucky, combined with my recent frustrations with school. When we asked Sara to go downstairs, so we could talk privately, she would not obey. After I finally got her downstairs, she screamed her head off the whole time, so much so that Sky started crying from the stress of it all. I was too tired to be very embarrassed, but I'm sure my blood pressure went up a notch or two! We finally got everything discussed and then Sara read a short story for Monica. She did well. After sharing where we are at with Math this year, Monica thought it might be a good idea to get Sara "tested," in order for us to know how to teach her more effectively. I contacted my friend, Sherry, the one who I talked to about mediated learning last month. She's a Christian, homeschooling mom who does mediated learning testing. Basically, this kind of testing doesn't just identify "problems," but it helps with finding out how a child thinks and learns. We're going to talk on Friday about what the next step will be. She's such a wonderful, compassionate person and said she was confident she could help Sara. I'm quite sure she will make this as painless and "fun" as possible. It makes me feel better to know that I've made the first step. After so many years of feeling like a failure and going up and down on a roller coaster with Sara, I'm really praying that this will give me the tools I need to be a better parent and teacher. I love my daughter so much, but I just don't "get" her and I feel guilty about that all the time. I'll keep you posted as we go along with this.

Tomorrow we were supposed to go to the Little Red Riding Hood play, but I've decided to give away the tickets. I'm still feeling tired and yucky and I need my strength for the busy weekend. I posted on a homeschool forum that I'm a member of, that I had 3 free tickets. One mom was interested, but I'm waiting to hear back from her. Even if no one takes them, I'm still not going. The tickets were only $6.50 each, so that's not going to bankrupt me!

So, today and tomorrow are rest days, with only school on the agenda. There might be some laundry to fold, but I guess I can handle that!

Before The Day Is Over...

It's almost time for bed, but I wanted to post a couple of things before I head to the warmth and softness of my down comforter. (It is COLD out there!) Thank you to all of you who posted comments on my last post. I have been strengthened and encouraged by your love, support and prayers. I thank God for the wonderful friends that He has brought into my life over the years. Today wasn't the best day of my life or anything, but it helps to know I do not walk alone and that I am loved!

The other thing I wanted to share is something that greatly encouraged me as a homeschool mom. I've shared a couple of times how I've struggled to teach Sara and how she's struggled to grasp what I'm trying to teach. It's hard for me to be transparent about this because there is so much comparison stuff that goes on with moms. Some parents realize they're doing it, but I really believe some don't. It's really painful when I feel like it's my child always "falling short" some how. Last year Sara was not reading at the same level as her peers. It was a daily, uphill battle. Finally, in February of this year, something clicked and Sara began to progress in reading! It has been such a joy to watch her learn new things everyday and actually get excited about reading! But, this year we are struggling with Math. Not just the normal, "we need to brush up because we forgot over the summer" kind of thing. It was like no comprehension whatsoever. What happened to everything we did last year? I actually got to the point where we stopped doing Math at all. I felt paralyzed and helpless. On Monday evening, I was able to get away to attend a monthly meeting with the Christian homeschool group I've joined. I had the chance to talk to a mom, Sherri, who specializes is something called mediated learning. Another mom I talked to awhile ago, told me that she thought Sherri could help me. It was so good to talk to her. She assured me that I was not alone. She understood my feelings of failure. She offered her continued support and monitoring of my situation. And she said a lot of things I needed to hear. As she spoke to me, I just started crying - right there in front of this stranger! It's just that she seemed to know exactly what was in my heart. She recommended a little booklet called "An Easy Start In ARITHMETIC," by Ruth Beechick. I think I remember books by this author hanging around my mom's library when I was being homeschooled! Last night I took some time to read through the book. It was so enlightening. She explained some things about how a child learns math that just blew me away. I've been frustrated that Sara can only do math problems with manipulatives. I've been told, "Well, that's all fine and good, but she really should have her additions facts memorized." Mrs. Beechick explained in the book that a math problem written out, like 2+2=4 is the third and final mode of learning math! Those are abstract symbols and most children don't even fully comprehend what they mean until Grade 3. Manipulatives are NOT a crutch - they are a necessary part of development and learning! I have manipulatives and we use them a lot, but I keep taking Sara away from that and expecting her to fill out a workbook page full of abstract symbols. Today we did Math for the first time in weeks! It wasn't much, but we did it! Sara used blocks to tell me that 2+2=4. God gave me my miracle! And she even said to me today, "We're not going to do a paper, are we?" I replied, "No, no we are not!" And I'm O.K. with that. There were so many ideas in the book about how to use "real-life arithmetic" as you go through each day. And that playing games is an excellent way of learning math. I can do that! Today was a baby step, but we'll take one baby step each day and eventually get somewhere.

A Busy Day

Today we went to the TELUS World of Science in Edmonton. Once a month they have classes specifically for homeschoolers. I signed Sara up for the Grade 2 class, "Chilling Out." Sky was in the Kindergarten class, "Fabulous Five Senses." I was very impressed with all the teachers and the content of both classes. Sara learned about temperature and the different forms of water - solid, liquid and gas. They did some really neat experiments! Sky, of course learned about our 5 senses. There were different stations around the room to learn about each sense with a hands-on game or craft. Their classrooms were right next to each other, so I hopped back and forth to make sure they were doing O.K. I spent most of the time with Sara. She tends to just want to sit and observe and won't participate sometimes. So, I wanted to make sure she was actually doing things and focusing on the task and not just people-watching. At the end of both classes they had the absolute coolest demonstration! They both had the same thing - Sky's was to experience the sense of touch and Sara's was to watch something go from liquid to solid. They actually made ice cream, in an instant, with liquid nitrogen! I was amazed and the kids thought it was magic! It was very much edible, so we all had a little cup of it! It was actually very yummy. I took a video, but have tried 3 times to upload it and it's not working for me. I'll keep trying, but it will have to be a separate post... One of the best things about all this is that each class cost me a whopping $4.25! Well, I did have to buy a family annual membership, but I'm thinking it will be very worth it. We ate our box lunch in the cafeteria after the classes and then explored the rest of the World of Science for awhile before heading home. There was lots to see and touch and the kids loved it! Playing with the sand in the "Erosion" exhibit.
This one was all about boogers!!

Posing with a giant eyeball!

Sara inspecting giant teeth as she stands on a giant tongue!

Tonight (and till noon tomorrow), Joshua and I went to a parenting seminar. It was good, so far. I'll share my thoughts later... Joshua's parents signed us up and offered to babysit as well, so you can't beat that! They're actually keeping the kids overnight, so that really helps with the early morning tomorrow. When we got home this afternoon, the kids eagerly packed their bags for their sleepover at Grandma and Grandpa's! They were so excited! Oh, and Mom made us supper too - can it get any better?! Now here I go to bed... We have to leave the house at 7:15 a.m. Ugh! For those of you who know me well, I am NOT a morning person...

Tough Week

After the excitement and busyness of the weekend, I'm feeling tired and cranky. The unpacking is down to the detailed stuff like decorating, organizing books and office things, hanging pictures, etc. My emotions are up and down and my energy is pretty low. Things are moving slowly and that has caused some tension in the home. (I don't think I need to be more specific!) I started some homeschooling this week, which cut into unpack time, but we really needed to get going. And of course, there's still laundry, meals to cook, dishes to wash, children to spend time with, grocery shopping and all those other things that just never end. I can't just leave all that and devote my time to unpacking and organizing. But, somebody, wouldn't like that either... Anyway, you get the idea... It's just been a tough week and we could use some extra prayer around here.

Finally...the Sun Is Out!

After about 5 or 6 days of rain, rain and more rain, we finally have sunshine! I wouldn't call it really warm yet, but at least I can look outside and smile! Today has been a much more productive day already - that makes for a happy husband tonight! When the weather is gray and rainy, I tend to shut down and only do what is absolutely necessary around the house. Nothing motivates me more than a beautiful, sunny day! This morning, I got some laundry done, including the sheets on our bed, and dishes washed up. I decided not to subject Sara to any schoolwork for the morning, so she and Sky spent a couple of hours riding their bikes and playing hockey in the driveway. I enjoyed the peace and quiet to catch up on reading my favourite blogs!

A few days ago, we received a big box with Sara's new math books for next year. (I had extra money leftover from the school board that I needed to use up by the end of the year.) We use the curriculum, Math.U.See, which has a heavy emphasis on manipulatives. For any of you with "hands-on" children, this curriculum is wonderful! Sara says math is her favourite subject and I think that's because they make things so easy to understand and grasp. I'm even "getting" things in a new way! We had their set of starter blocks, but needed the completer set for the next book. Along with the extra blocks, I ordered the fancy, wooden boxes that they can be stored in. I don't know how we survived a whole year without these boxes! :-) I love them and they will really help things be more efficient from now on. I gave Sara the job of filling up the boxes with all the blocks. She happily obliged! I think all the new things gave her some fresh inspiration to keep plugging away with math and finish up her book for this year. School is officially over for all children in this part of the world at the end of June. So, we will be going strong for another few weeks. We will also have to continue on with Math and Language Arts as much as possible through out the summer months. Sara was somewhat behind grade level at the final evaluation, so now we are playing catch up. I've been dealing with Sara on some major bad attitudes, stubbornness and laziness issues in the last couple of weeks. It has taken away a tremendous amount of my energy and joy. I haven't known what to do some days... Please pray that I will have wisdom and much patience with this child of mine. School has been tough this year. Partly because if my own disorganization and laziness at times, partly because of bad attitudes from the student (and consequently, me giving up), and partly because Sara was very slow to read and write. We would spend weeks on one lesson that was designed for 1 week. Finally, in February, I began to see real progress and we were over the hump. Now, Sara is progressing at what I would call a "normal" pace, but of course, we're now "behind." I am so proud of her and how far she has come from in just one year! At the beginning of the year, she could only write the letters in her name independently. She didn't even know all the letter sounds when the year started. Now, she is reading words like "gift" and "clock"! She is writing well and can even do some work independently. It's been so hard at times, but so worth it. I've never shared this struggle because it was just too painful for me. I was embarrassed, I felt like a complete failure, I was too proud to let anyone else in - even my husband. I've carried this load alone for so long, but I don't want to anymore. So, I'm sharing today just because I know I need to. And because maybe someone else needs to read this. And because I need your prayers and encouragement. Keep us in your prayers this summer. I know we need to catch up as much as possible, but I want it to be as fun as possible. Poor child - nobody else will be doing schoolwork. I'm afraid too... What if we hit another roadblock? I know I can't think like that. I'm also optimistic... Things are moving along so well and Sara is learning so much! I just cry when I think about it! I pray it will be a positive summer. Thanks for listening to me share my heart.

Tidbits and Pictures

Other than surviving and griping about the weather around here, I wanted to share a few things that have happened in the last couple of weeks. We've had some beautiful, warm days since Saturday, by the way! We've been soaking up as much sunshine as we can and even wearing sandals!!

1. About two weeks ago, the kids and I actually did something Spring-like, and we planted some bean seeds! It's been fun to see Sara and Sky's excitement every morning as they see the progress their bean plants have made overnight! Those things grow like crazy! They've already outgrown their yogurt containers and need to be transferred to the ice cream bucket! Only the fanciest plant pots are used in this family! :-)

2. This next picture was too funny to keep to myself! Sky does a really great job of entertaining himself when I'm doing school with Sara. Sometimes I can find ways for him to be included in the activities, but other times, Sara and I just have to buckle down and focus. Last week, Sara was reading a story from her reader to me. I invited Sky to sit and listen in, but after a few s-l-o-w-l-y read pages, he decided to find something a little more exciting to do! I thought he was upstairs watching T.V., when Sara stopped reading and started giggling as she looked up at the stairwell. I looked to see what the distraction was. Sky had tied a rope to a Jonah doll that we have and was lowering him over the banister! Sara and I were both laughing by now! Then, Sky said in a squeaky voice, as he wiggled the doll up and down, "Hi Sara! How are you!" It was too funny and I hardly had the heart to tell him to stop distracting us so Sara could finish reading!

3. This is me and Slyvia. She is very tall and I am very short, which you can tell even when we're sitting down! Sylvia is like a second mother to me, as well as a very dear friend. We had the chance to go out for dinner on Wednesday evening with no husbands or kids! We went to my favourite little place in Calgary - the Diner Deluxe. Syl had never been before and she fell in love with everything about it! We had such a great time talking about everything under the sun and enjoying some wonderful food! Sylvia is always such a breath of fresh air for me. She doesn't necessarily give me advice about stuff, but whenever I'm with her, she always says something that changes my perspective on life a little bit. Thanks Syl, for a wonderful evening! I was refreshed and I hope you were too!

4. Our back deck is finished! I'm so proud of Joshua and all the hard work he put into building everything! He did an awesome job and I LOVE the new look! My favourite part are the benches he built right into the railing. The corner bench was a challenge, but it turned out really nice! The benches eliminate the need for a bunch of chairs on the deck and leaves more room for the kids to play or mingling with friends. Now the backyard finally looks finished and we're ready for summer! I can hardly wait till it's time to plant! That's my favourite part. We normally start planting around the middle to end of May, but we've lost things to frost before, so it's always tricky. Some people here refuse to plant anything until June 1st. That's definitely the safe way to go, but it's always so hard to wait! Here are some before, during, and after pictures of the deck railing.

5. On one of our gray, snowy days, the kids convinced me to get out the finger paints. I hate painting because of the mess. I usually only allow it about twice a year! :-) Since this is such a special and rare occasion, I snapped a few pictures. The clean-up was actually very minimal and didn't stress me out at all! I guess that proves the kids are growing up!

Stay tuned tomorrow for a very special post.... :-) I hope you've enjoyed the pictures and update. Sorry it's been so long. I wanted to report that we are actually getting a lot accomplished in school! Thank you all for your prayers and support. Tomorrow I have my final visit from our homeschool facilitator. She will evaluate Sara's work this year and check to see which goals and requirements we have met. I'm having a bad attitude today because I hardly think it's fair to be giving someone a year end assessment when we still have two months of school left. (The schools here go till the end of June.) I can do a lot in two months! So, please pray as I'm preparing everything tonight and tomorrow. I'm stressing - big time. I'm so proud of Sara's work, but will the facilitator be proud too? That's my biggest fear right now and I really need some peace.

Sniffle, Snuffle.... Watch Out For The Snot!

We have two snot factories in the house today (otherwise known as Peggy and Sara) and they are VERY productive! O.K., I'm sure you didn't really want to know that, but I need some sympathy! We've gone through a lot of Kleenexes over the last few days. The snot has been accompanied by fevers, headaches, fatigue, and a dry cough for Sara. I don't know why, but when I'm sick, I just cannot bring myself to eat anything healthy. When I feel great, I'm all about the fruits and veggies. When I feel sick, that's the last thing I want. Which is the first thing I NEED! Instead, I've been eating things like ice cream and brownies, gummi bears, chips, and Oreos. Maybe it's because fruit and veggies have to be washed and cut up and I just don't have the energy when I'm not feeling well. Maybe I just don't have enough self-discipline to do what's right! Ouch! Maybe I'll just stop now! I'm in a weird mood....

Sara and I had a difficult time trying to have school today. I realized that it was partly my fault because I haven't been doing adequate planning. I have so many fun resources that I never take advantage of, simply because I never take the time to look through things and write down a day to use them. I just get stuck in a rut following the basic curriculum, and eventually Sara and I both get bored! Also, I'm feeling some panic because I feel we're behind and we don't have time for "extra" stuff. I try to cram in as much practical work as possible until Sara is overwhelmed and freaking out! So, after the tears and the schoolwork was over for the day, I sat down to do some thinking and planning. After looking through all the school stuff, I realized that all the extra things I felt would take too much time, could actually help me reach the goals I need to accomplish! Imagine that! When the school year started, we were still packing, moving, and then unpacking. We started school in October. I never got to plan or organize very much. I've been flying by the seat of my pants the whole year! It's been a never-ending cycle of emotions for me the whole year. I've realized how unfair everything has been for Sara. The pressure on me has been needless. I wish I had taken the time to plan earlier in the year, even if it meant a week off school. That week would have helped us to be so much more productive and efficient this year! I can't go back and change the past, but I'm determining to finish the year much stronger and organized. Please keep me accountable with this. Ask me if I've used my free time to plan or if I've wasted time on the computer! I need help and I need prayer to make these changes. I want to homeschool my children more than anything in the world. And I don't want to do it half-heartedly. Maybe this all sounds silly, but I needed to share these thoughts. School has not been the most positive thing in our lives this year and I feel sad about that. I want that to change and I know that by God's grace it can! Thanks for listening.