Mom's Have Feelings Too

This morning was one of those times I realized how very vulnerable I am as a mom. I've never been good at pretending to feel one way, when I actually feel another way. I suppose that's a good thing to some extent, but there are times when it just isn't wise to let it all hang out... I'm not one of those moms who always says the right thing or who can always portray the appropriate attitude. I was the one literally screaming when Sara put a small pebble up her nose last year! There was no, "Okay honey, it's going to be O.K. We'll take care of everything, sweetheart, don't you worry." No, it was complete panic and wailing and mayhem in our house!! I was scared and yelling, Joshua was mad and yelling, Sky was hiding and poor Sara was completely traumatized! You get the idea! (BTW, the pebble came out on it's own while she was waiting for the doctor to come in!) O.K., so that was a MAJOR rabbit trail! The story I set out to tell, started last night...

Joshua took the kids to ski racing lessons last night after a hurried supper. I usually, spend that evening doing something for me, like reading a book or blogging or Facebook, etc. But, because of a book I've been reading lately, I decided to forget about me and do something that would benefit the whole family. (Another rabbit trail that I'll save for later.) Things have been quite unorganized and disjointed with school and household chores. To put it bluntly, I've been lazy. Haven't cared about much of anything besides my own feelings of pity and depression. I finally got fed up with myself last night. I cleaned off and organized the school room table (should've taken before and after pics - it was dramatic!), put together a unit project folder for Sara (printing things off, cutting out things), threw tons of paper items in the recycling bin, cleaned up the kitchen, and made up a new morning/school routine. When everyone got home, I gave both kids a shower, got them to bed, cleaned up a few more things, and folded two loads of laundry before crashing into bed at midnight. I was tired, but I was ready for a new day! And I was pretty excited too!

In the morning, as soon as Sara got up, I cuddled with her and explained that things were going to be different. I told her that the T.V. was not going to get turned on, that Mommy was not going to spend half the morning on the computer, and that school was going to start much earlier. I also told both kids that I now expect them to get dressed, and make their beds, and put away jammies before they even come out of their rooms. (I will be doing the same thing - jammies have been my new favourite outfit lately!) She took it well, and happily went up to get dressed and fulfill the other chores. We had breakfast and I was ready to start school at 9 a.m.! But, Sky slept in, so he got up right about then and I had to start over with the schedule explanation and breakfast. O.K., so now it's 9:30 a.m. and we were ready to go. I pulled out Sara's new project folder and we got started. To make a long story a little shorter, after a few little power struggles, things started to go downhill fast. Sky was bored and whiney and wanted to do a magnet experiment. (Granted, I DID promise that we could, but that was one thing I didn't get to last night...) Sara didn't like what we were doing and kept telling me "no" about everything. I was having trouble explaining what a coal mine was, and we ended up in a complete meltdown. I called Daddy, mad as anything and asked him to talk to Sara. Then, I got on the phone and started listing my woes. I was absolutely bawling by the time I was done. Poor Joshua! I said we'd just wasted an entire hour with fighting and whining. He said, it's just an hour, so try again. I didn't see it that way. Why was I so upset? Well, I got my feelings hurt! I had gone to all that effort to make a fresh start and have a great day, and all my kids could do was throw it back in my face. After I got off the phone, I had tears streaming down my face. The kids were looking at me with big eyes. I said, "Do you know that Moms get disappointed about things?" "No," they replied. "And did you know that you can hurt Mommy's feelings?" Again, "No." So, I explained to them how I wanted everything to be all nice and fun. I told them that it really hurt my feelings when all they could do was whine and complain all morning. They just looked at me, but I think they got the point. There wasn't much complaining after that and I think we even managed to have some fun by the end of it all. I even succeeded in explaining a coal mine. I typed "coal mine" into Google search images and got some great pictures! What did Moms do before the days of Google?

So, it was an emotional morning, but I'd have to say it was a good day overall. My biggest challenge in life is being consistent. I know that if I can stick with this new schedule, the kids will get used to it. Actually, it's more me that needs to get used to it! I really like reading blogs and checking Facebook while the kids eat breakfast in front of the T.V. every morning. But, that half hour that I say I need, can turn into 2 hours very quickly. Then we don't have time for every subject we need to cover in school, and the consistency thing comes to haunt me again. Sara desperately needs consistency in order to retain anything. I haven't been the greatest at that for her, but I want that to change. I never want my laziness to be the reason she can't learn to her fullest potential.

One of my favourite quotes is from Anne of Green Gables, "Tomorrow is fresh - with no mistakes in it." I'll take it one day at a time....